…and if they DO tell you, you won’t believe them.

Well…I went and had a kid.

Now, I don’t want to start yammering on about what labour and c-sections are like, so don’t worry…but I DID want to go through some of the things that you just don’t hear often enough, or believe even when people tell you…for starters–

1. You really DO want to yammer on about labour and c-sections…but I won’t.

2. They tell you that your life will change, irrevocably, but you don’t realise that truth until it happens to you. 
Yeah, it sounds silly, doesn’t it? Of COURSE your life will change! You know that, right? Wrong. You don’t know until it happens, and when it happens, you can’t believe it.

3. You worry about hurting the baby, especially at first.
Am I holding him right? What if I drop him? tThis disapates once you get used to handling your baby. However, then, other random scenarios will sporadically pop into your head. What if I trip coming down the stairs while holding him? What if something falls on his head while he’s playing on the floor? This will never really go away–so I’ve been told.

4. You want to/will cry when your health visitor/midwife/doctor tells you that your baby isn’t putting on enough weight.
It feels like a slap across the face with a 1-2 punch to the gut. You feel like you’re not taking care of your child. Other parents will tell you that it is not the end of the world–your kid could be a slow grower, or just small, and that it’s just a chart someome made up, for Pete’s sake! But–it still sucks when you hear it.

5. You can get lonely.
If you don’t make friends with some of the mommies in whichever classes you take your kid to, you’re going to get lonely. Basically, it is just you and the kid for most of the day–so, try and make as many play dates and get-together’s as possible. To tie into this–be aware that you will most likely SUCK at responding to emails and getting back to people. In the beginning, you might not even know what day it is. Also, some friends will be there for you no matter what, and others might leave you be. Having a kid is a life-changing thing, and some people won’t really get that. That’s just life though, I guess.

6. You won’t feel like yourself any more.
Ok, so this sorta goes with ‘things change’, but it’s way more personal. Yoor mind works differently. You notice that maybe you’re more patient, or more diligent, or that you get flustered way more than you thought–any bevy of new character traits may arise or be magnified. Also, your body has been through something totally nutso. Hormones are CRAZY and physically you’re SO run down and puffed out. You’re not used to not being pregnant, and you’re not what you were pre-pregnancy. It makes you feel like you don’t know who you are  anymore.

ADDITION: In addendum to the above, you sortof end up feeling like the queen of a whole new world–one where you’re expected to know what to do at all times, and how to do it. You’re expected to know the language, and answer all questions. But you don’t know the language, and it’s hard to learn! But you, you’re still responsible for SO much that it does completely change you. How you perceive, how you act, and how you handle situations.

6 responses »

  1. mommybabyspot says:

    Fantastic post…especially numbers 3 & 6…I was (and am) terrified of falling down the stairs holding either one of my kids…I did fall up the stairs holding the baby a week or so ago and it was just as horrible and scary as you might think. Amazingly the self-preservation instinct is overrun by the save-the-baby instinct and we’re both ok.
    Thanks for sharing!



  2. mojolavo says:

    Spot on, dude. I don’t know if this was just me, but I would get super upset at night or when guests would leave, because I knew they were going home to sleep and I wasn’t going to sleep. That really sucked …

  3. riotflower says:

    I know I’m not on that side of the fence at the moment, but I love you from this side! Thank you for posting this- it is so good to read honest reflections about motherhood! And of course, read more about what it’s like for you for things that I can’t yet fathom.

    Maybe this is the naïvety of a non-parent, but perhaps not knowing who you are is okay. You’re cruizin’ on another plane of achievement from the one before and as you figure out who your little one is, how you two both function as parents and as little one is figuring you out, it’s probably okay to not know the mom (and person besides mom!) that you’re becoming.

    If we’re lucky enough to have a baby, I know I will think many of those thoughts you listed for number 3. I felt some of them for our KITTENS and that’s a whole different ball-game! Would you mind sharing your pregnancy fears? I know that I’d be worried about falling down, about getting pushed, etc- were these fears you had?

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