Lately, I’ve been feeling strange. Have you ever felt like you were rushing along in your life? Trying to achieve certain things, or get to certain places? I’m not sure how to explain it, except that when you pause for a split second you notice that you were rushing. I’ve felt this way at certain times in my life–where I’ve noticed the rush. And had no idea why I was rushing. I mean, what IS the rush? I suppose everyone wants to get somewhere or to someone in their life. But why, for some of us, is there this real need to get it faster, sooner, NOW?
I can’t answer any of those questions. Not even for myself. But lately, I’ve stopped for a second. Not because I’ve paused. Because I’ve been rushing, rushing, rushing, and then SMACK! I’ve rushed right into a brick wall. Ok, it might not be brick. It might be climbable. But its made me stop, stop for longer than I have in ages, and its made me think. Because I have to.
When I was in university, I went to a therapist for a little while. I remember asking her about this ‘rushing’, this weird need at 20 years old to have everything meaningful RIGHT NOW. It felt as if I didn’t have any time, when all I had was time. It didn’t make sense. It still doesn’t, but I remember what she told me. She said that I should imagine myself, just picture ‘me’ in my mind, and give ‘her’ the things she wants and/or needs–either a symbolic version of that event or whatever, or the actual thing. To be honest, it works. Well, it usually works. This time…not so much.
There are LOTS of things I love doing, things that I enjoy, things that relax me. But they only manage to relax me for a finite amount of time. Then everything that was on the back-burner comes whooshing back up to the front-burner, and I’m not really any better off than I was before. I need to find a way to release the worry, stress, and pressure that floats around in the ol’ noggin. I’ll report back if and when I find it. In the meantime–here is a list of tips I’ve found about how to ‘slow down’. And here’s another about reducing stress through ‘mindfulness’. I’ll give it all a go!
Quite coincidentally, my mum sent me an email forward this VERY day, that was really relevant to all of this. I won’t repeat it word for word, but it was basically–All my life I was dying to achieve this and that, and now that I’m dying I realise I never really lived. It was a list of all these major life moments this dying person rushed to get to. I’m not dying, but I think I AM forgetting to live life and enjoy it while I can. I don’t understand why that can be difficult sometimes, but I’m going to do my best to enjoy everything from now on.