I’ve been wondering about why some of us want to impress other people. I believe I am a person that often ‘tries too hard’ with people, especially when the vibes just aren’t right. I hate to sound all hippy-dippy but I’m a believer in vibes. Sometimes–you just click with another person. They get you, you get them. Perhaps its only natural that there are just some people we’re instantly comfortable with. And others we’re instantly put-off by. I don’t mean sexually, although, these things apply to that as well. I mean friendship. Why are there some people that we just ‘click’ with, even before we really know them. Then there are others that we may have known for ages, but simply can’t get comfortable around. Enough to be yourself anyway. It’s often called ‘being on the same wave-length’.
I suppose we’re all not running on the same frequency (Kenneth).

As always, if you have to think about being cool, you’re NOT COOL. It’s all about relaxing, and not worrying what others think of you. I’m not sure, but I think there must be something, perhaps  on a genetic level, that makes that fairly impossible most of the time. Could it be possible that, on some bio-neuro-science-y level we’re really not on the same wavelength with other people?

Scientists have recently begun to study brain waves in rats, in three different parts of the hippocampus (linked to memory), in order to understand how  the brain filters out distracting thoughts to focus on a single bit of information. They use the analogy of a radio tuning in and tuning out. They believe that the cells of the brain transmit different levels of gamma waves, that, in a sense, communicate with one another. As one scientist put it:

“We found that there are slow gamma waves and fast gamma waves coming from different brain areas, just like radio stations transmit on different frequencies,” she says.

You really can “be on the same wavelength”

If the individual brain has its own intra-communication network going on, is it possible that there can be inter-communication…between people?

I don’t know a lot about biology…or chemistry…or neurology, but I like to imagine I’m on to something with this.

In the short term, however, it comes down to this:

If you aren’t confident in yourself, then others won’t be.

It’s pretty simple, and may not be 100% accurate 100% of the time, but I’d wager it is a good 99.7%.  Check out this article about handling social pressure by Rabbi Noah Greenburg. In it he makes the point that even if you can convince other people that you’re awesome, you still have to convince yourself. I’m not Jewish, but I think these sorts of lessons go beyond religious belief into plain, basic, self-awareness.
And as Ice Cube once said, ‘You better check yo self before you wreck yo self’ (‘Check Yo Self, from the album Predator on the Priority label).

3 responses »

  1. Hmm, this is a tough one. You’re right that self-confidence is key, and if you have it you don’t ask for anyone’s permission to be cool. The paradox I’ve found, though, is that the more you pretend to be self-confident (i.e. unapologetically don’t “try”) the more you actually become self-confident. It doesn’t make any sense that you need to pretend to be who you you really are, but that’s what it feels like in my experience. And when you’ve got the self-confidence, I swear it makes people more willing to “click” with you — maybe there are gamma waves involved??

    • athenapearl says:

      I do agree with you on the ‘facade’ of confidence. I kindof use the analogy of you wearing a ‘you’ costume. Like an actor, you put on the costume and feel a little like someone else, or in this case, the best version of yourself. And it works, usually… 🙂

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